What Not To Do: Sho's Collection
by ZaDR
Summary: Basically, what not to do in varying fics.
1. AU

**A/N: All righty, so Sho's been writing some pretty serious stuff recently, and rolling her eyes at some pretty bad fics. All of these are inspired by some fic or another. As usual, they're seperated by my typical three dashes.**

**---**

**AU Cliches**

**---**

Rachel Roth sat somewhere and sulked. It must be somewhere dark. She will be wearing a dark hoodie, with the hood pulled over her head, writing, listening to music, drawing, or some bewildering combination of all three. Of course, no one knows her, and she's some sullen dark girl.

"YOUR FACE IS BRUISED!" Cleverly notes Garfield.

"No, it's not. Stop talking about it. I have to avoid explaining it for at least another chapter." Angrily, she folds her arms. "Don't you know the way of the AU cliches? You have to start worrying about me!" She turned away, writing on a chibi drawing while blasting emo music.

"Isn't it your dad?" Garfield asks.

"Yeah, so?"

"Aren't you supposed to be living with Arella at this time? And why doesn't the author ever mention her?"

Rachel rolled her eyes. "It's much more dramatic to have an abusive dad. Shut up."

---

"We're asshole jocks!" Jeer Roy, Dick, sometimes Gar, Vic, Wally, and any other assortment of characters.

"We're geeks!" Cheer Argent, Garth, Rachel, and Kori, and sometimes Gar, Bee, and Jinx.

"And we're the obligatory dumb-blonde jerk girls whose only function in the roleplay is to ruin the lives of the geeks!" Say Kitten, Terra, sometimes Jinx and Bee, and a few other girls.

Sho walks into the middle of the pandemonium. "Hey, guys? How is it that you all get along in the show, but of course stick to petty cliques in these fanfics? Roy will jeer at Garth for being 'queer', but they get along just fine in a competitive friendship in the show."

"But it's more dramatic to be divided into cliques!"

---

"OMG!" Wails Rachel. "That annoying group of girls, Kitten, Bee, Terra, and Jinx keep RUINING MY LIFE! WAAH I HATE THEM!"

Sho sips on a Starbucks coffee. "Why is it that in Flinx fics, Jinx is a geek, but in non-Flinx fics, she's with the preppy girls?"

Jinx fumed. "What makes you _freaks _ever think that Kitten and I would share the same air space? Puh-lease!"

---

A random fanfiction author walks in. "LAWL A NORMAL HIGH SCHOOL AND NORMAL STUDENTS BUT KORRI ANDERS AND RACHEL ROTH ARE BEING BLACKMAILED BY SCHOOL BADBOYS INTO DOING WHATEVER THEY WANT OR THEIR FRIENDS WILL DIE"

"Which makes it...normal...how?" Raven questions.

---

"I'm majoring in culinary arts...?" Jinx asked in disbelief.

"No offense, Jinxy," Wally began, "But a major with things that cut and burn doesn't really seem like a good idea for girls with bad luck...

---

A militant AU writer marches in. "OY! YOU THERE! NO SUGGESTIONS! DON'T SUGGEST THAT I MAKE MY CHAPTERS LONGER! DON'T POINT OUT HOW USELESS OCS ARE IN AN AU FIC BECAUSE THE REAL CHALLENGE IS TO PUT CHARACTERS IN ANOTHER SETTING!"

"I actually found these all in a fic by an author in their first A/N...of course, I won't say her pen name is MillicentRaven."

---

"I'm a new student!" Enthuses Terra.

"So am I!" Says Jinx.

"Me too!" Says Raven.

"Yeah, I am of the too!" Cheers Starfire.

"Why is everyone a new student?" Wonders Sho.

---

Sho stands behind a desk, trying to look professional. "So remember, the moral of this chapter is: Read AU fics, write down what they all have in common, then don't use them. Don't have a new kid. Don't rely so much on cliques. Don't make the bitchy clan. And for gods sake, take criticism!"

---

**Fin.**


	2. Slade and OCs: First fics of 4th graders

**---**

**Slade and OCs**

**---**

"Lyk omg! I'm Mary-Sue! I'm injured! Save me, big strong Beast Boy/Robin!"

"Okay, Mary Sue!" Agreed Beast Boy/Robin, picking her up bridal-style and instantly falling in love with her.

Slade was very unhappy and chased them. Meanwhile, this character became best friends with all the titans, who have been reduced to cliches. They argue over pizza and play video games, Raven meditates and Starfire drags them places.

---

Robin/Raven frowned.

"What appears to be the problem, friend of interchangable motives?" Questioned Starfire.

"I'm supposed to start suspecting Mary Sue/Gary Stu now," Replied Robin/Raven. "This is essential. No one will really believe me, though."

---

Sho sat with the precious few Xgent fans. "Hey guys, the big betrayal scene is starting!" 

---

"How can you do this to me?!" Cried Robin/Beast Boy for Mary-Sue, or Starfire/Raven for Gary-Stu. "I loved you! You have no friends!"

Mary Sue/Gary Stu looks down at this interchangable traitor. "Didn't Beast Boy say that?"

The betrayed lover pouts. "It wouldn't be an OC Betrayal fic without quoting one of the Terra episodes!"

---

"You're of course a martial arts master, Gary-Stu! But I know a triple kick!" Boasts Robin.

"I know a six kick!" Retorts Gary-Stu.

"Did you not know the equivalent of 'triple' for 'six'?" Robin questions.

Sho sat there and blinked. "Master F?" She called her teacher. "They're talking about triple kicks where you spin around a lot. Wouldn't that just be useless and showy, and the author's trying to act impressive but doesn't have any idea what they're talking about?"

"Pretty much," Replied the fifth-degree blackbelt.

---

-insert some nonsense about absurd, stereotyped pizza here-

---

Sho kicks over the desk, giving up professional-looking shtick. "So, just...don't do OC and Slade fics. They're icky. In fact, don't do OCs."

**A/N: Yeah. I take martial arts. And if you don't believe that the six kick was actually attempted by someone, go read APPRENTICE08's fic.**


End file.
